You're my little dorito
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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