I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
being pregnant is like rehab
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
