am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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