dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
