We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
