WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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