She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
