I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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