Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
