All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
