If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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