1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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