Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
