hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
