I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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