Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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