I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
