I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there's paper in my vomit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize