the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
