I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
