walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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