is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
