two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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