can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found your dick twin last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
