Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
