I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
