grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
