It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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