Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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