my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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