Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
