i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
