Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
