90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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