I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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