My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
