it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
