Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
