he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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