he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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