I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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