i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We named our party play list daddy issues
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
