Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
