So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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