my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
