Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
