I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
