i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
