Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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