Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
