Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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