oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can you bring me the toilet please
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
