I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
