And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The power of my boobs compel you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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