i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found a bag of teeth...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
