We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it because I queefed?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
