dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
