So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
