I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
