Four minutes until I can fart!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
