So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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