just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
