how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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