we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
