he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
