everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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