I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think a kid would responsible me up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
not ubering you a puppy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize