omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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