I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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