he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
