I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
