Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
